I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
