so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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