I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All I want is dick and wine.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
