At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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