# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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