So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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