its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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