in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
