I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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