for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
