Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
