She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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