I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
