fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
