Where did you get a picture of my penis
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
