Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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