Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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