he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
