Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
