Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
