So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
