About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
