Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He better not be in your backpack
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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