If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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