Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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