just tell him i said nine months
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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