I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
