youre lurking in front of me
Do you still have your period?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
