Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
