"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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