well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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