do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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