I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
