I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
