Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
