How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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