im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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