Sponge bath it is.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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