and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize