The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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