i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
