i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Randomize