I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
