Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He shit in the fireplace
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
