Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
