yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
