He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
