I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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