i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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