Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
