she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
