I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
