This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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