Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
