I'm going to jail i love you
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
