I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
