I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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