It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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