what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
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i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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