Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
