I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
