I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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