If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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