Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
