aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
