Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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