I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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