Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize