Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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