I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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