his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
