No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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